You’re juggling work, kids, and a missing set of keys, again.
You and the kids are heading out the door. But you didn’t feed the cat. ‘How do I keep forgetting this?’ you think.
On your way to the pantry, you pass the giant pile of laundry that has been sitting for days. And the stacks of paperwork on the counter. On the bench. And on the coffee table. ‘Just don’t look at it, pretend it isn’t there.’
Oh no! You need to e-mail your boss about the morning meeting, but your phone isn’t where it usually is! You spend 5 minutes looking for it and still can’t find it. And where are your keys?
You suddenly feel overwhelmed. You stop to catch your breath, and you bump into the corner of the wall. Ouch!! Now you’re mad. So when your kid asks for the fifth time if they’re going to be late for school again, you explode!
And then the guilt. ‘What is wrong with me?’
You’ve been reading a lot lately. A lot about forgetfulness, disorganization, trouble focusing, starting and not finishing tasks, low frustration tolerance, and burnout. One thing that keeps coming up: ADHD.
Do I have it?
It’s a fair question, and you’re not alone: HeretoHelp says many adults assume it’s just personality. Let’s take a closer look:
What Is Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder?
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects attention, activity levels, emotion regulation, and impulse control.
It starts in childhood, but if you’re in your 30s or 40s now, it may have gone undetected. Many kids in the 90s and early 2000s were left to cope without formal support, as medical professionals widely believed that children would “outgrow” ADHD, according to the National Library of Medicine. However, the current numbers paint a different picture. Around two-thirds of children with ADHD still have symptoms as adults.
Here’s what matters most: ADHD is not a character flaw, laziness, or lack of willpower.
ADHD is a genetic condition. If a child is diagnosed with ADHD, there is a 50% chance that one of their parents suffers from the disorder. Differences in executive function, the skills that help you plan, start tasks, and manage time, explain why simple things can feel hard. So the question shifts from “what’s wrong with me?” to “what do I need?”
What Are The Common ADHD Symptoms In Adults?
Let’s start with inattention. It looks like losing your keys, missing deadlines, zoning out mid-conversation, starting projects you never finish, and making careless mistakes. You may struggle with planning and follow-through, even on things you care about. Poor time management is common, so you may be constantly surprised by how long things take. Chronic lateness and messy spaces are outcomes, not moral failures.
Hyperactivity in adults is often internal: restlessness, fidgeting, talking a lot, or a mind that never switches off. Impulsivity shows up as interrupting, unplanned spending, quick decisions, or acting before thinking.
Big emotions and a short fuse are common too, though they are not formal diagnostic criteria. Nodding along yet?
How ADHD Is Diagnosed
Clinicians describe three presentations:
Predominantly inattentive means daydreaming, forgetfulness, and disorganization with little outward hyperactivity.
Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive looks restless, talkative, impulsive, and a mind like the “energizer bunny.”
Combined includes both. Your presentation can shift over time, so what you had at eight may look different at thirty-eight.
The inattentive type is easy to miss because it’s quiet. Nobody complains about the kid staring out the window. You may have been labelled forgetful, spacey, or unmotivated, and built elaborate coping systems, like alarms, lists, and last-minute adrenaline, that hid the struggle until life got busier. Sound like you? Knowing your type helps you find the best supports.
Why Is ADHD Often Missed In Women and Girls?
Girls and women more often have the inattentive presentation, which draws less attention than the typical disruptive behaviour, the hallmark trait of ADHD.
Many women learn to “mask.” Meaning that they are often working twice as hard, over-preparing, and people-pleasing. It may not look any different from the outside, but inside you’re exhausted, burnt out and have a sense of always feeling behind.
Diagnosis often comes late, sometimes after your own child is diagnosed, or after years of treatment for anxiety or depression that never fully explained things.
Hormonal shifts, like those around pregnancy and perimenopause, can also make symptoms more noticeable. If that story sounds familiar, it’s worth a conversation with your family doctor.
Do I Have ADHD or Am I Just Easily Distracted?
We all lose focus when we’re tired, stressed, or multitasking.
ADHD is different in three ways:
- They started in childhood,
- Symptoms are persistent, and
- They cause real problems in more than one area, like work, home, or relationships.
Frequency matters. Occasional forgetfulness is common. Daily disruption is not.
Try this quick self-check:
Have these patterns shown up since school? Do they affect your job, money, friendships, or the household? Are you compensating with extreme effort? Yes to most is a reason to start the conversation.
Screening tools like the ASRS, a self-report measure for adults, take minutes, and can help you gain a better understanding of your situation.
What Causes ADHD
Mayo Clinic suggest that ADHD is caused by one of these factors:
- Genetics/DNA: ADHD is a strongly heritable disorder. If a child is diagnosed with ADHD, there is a 50% chance that one of their parents suffers from the disorder.
- Environment: Research suggests that living situation, including chronic stress, trauma, and exposure to lead, contribute to the risk and severity of the disorder.
- Brain Structure and Early Development: Exposure to alcohol and drugs during pregnancy may play a role in the development of ADHD, as well as other events that affect the central nervous system.
What Does Not Cause ADHD
Let’s explore the common myths around what causes ADHD.
- Sugar Intake: While sugar and other non-nutritious foods can impact general health and may increase hyperactivity in some children, eating sugary foods and overall diet does not cause the disorder.
- Poor Parenting: While children with ADHD often require flexible behavioural support and different parenting styles, the overall home and discipline structure is not a cause for the disorder.
- Tech and Screen Exposure: While continued use of technology can impact focus and concentration, extended time on phones, tablets, and television is not a cause for the disorder.
- Vaccines: There is no scientific evidence to support that vaccines cause ADHD.
Anxiety, Depression, and Other ADHD Look-Alikes
Here’s where it gets tricky.
Anxiety can cause restlessness and racing thoughts.
Depression drains concentration and motivation.
Trauma, poor sleep, thyroid problems, and substance use can also affect focus.
Sleep apnea, for instance, causes daytime fog that looks a lot like inattention.
One symptom, many possible causes.
It works the other way too.
ADHD commonly overlaps with anxiety, depression, and sleep problems, and untreated ADHD can add to both through years of stress and self-criticism.
A good assessment untangles what’s driving what, so you’re not treating the wrong thing. Ask your doctor about basic checks, like bloodwork and a sleep review, before or alongside an assessment.
How an ADHD Assessment Works
A formal diagnosis comes from a qualified clinician, such as a physician, psychiatrist, or psychologist. Start with your family doctor. Expect questions about your current and childhood symptoms, how they affect daily life, and your medical and mental health history, possibly with rating scales and input from a partner, parent, or old report cards.
Psychologists offer comprehensive assessments, though private ones can be costly and waitlists can be long. Your doctor may also refer you to a psychiatrist. Insurance varies, so ask before booking. Bring notes: missed deadlines, childhood memories, how symptoms show up at work and home. It can take more than one visit, so pace yourself.
Treatment and Support for Adult ADHD
You don’t need a diagnosis to start building skills.
Therapy, including CBT and ACT, can help with time management, emotional regulation, procrastination, and the shame that piles up after years of feeling behind. It can also ease the fallout: strained relationships, work stress, and low self-esteem.
Medication decisions belong with your doctor; therapy works alongside them, not instead.
You can also start building small habits: external reminders, body-doubling (working alongside someone), tiny task steps, timers, and one home for keys and wallet.
Protect sleep and exercise, since both affect attention.
Go easy on yourself: shame and stress make focus harder.
Aim for systems that survive a bad day, because you’ll have plenty. Just ask our clinic owner, Deanna.
It is important to understand that treatment will not cure ADHD; however, it can significantly increase your ability to cope and manage symptoms.
If you’re still questioning, you don’t have to wait for support. Brock Counselling, Child and Family Therapy, offers ADHD counselling and coping-skills therapy in Burlington, ON and virtually across Ontario. Sessions are 50 minutes ($165 individual, $190 family), Monday to Saturday, with evenings Monday to Thursday. Book a free 15-minute phone consult, email info@brockcounselling.ca, or call/text 905-320-2342.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Related reading: Therapy for Parents & Caregivers: Managing Stress, Anxiety, and Burnout | Individual Counselling